The Marital Bed, Remade

Today on Lucy Ann Moll's Sisterhood of Beautiful Warriors show we talked about sex: boldly. I hope that I have encouraged both the Christian woman and the non-Christian woman. It's my goal to not only help you enjoy the amazing gift of sex that God has given you and your husband but to also bless you and encourage you in marriage -- growing it into a marriage that withstands the storms of life -- making it rock solid!

It is true, 5o% of all marriages end in divorce. It's my prayer that your marriage will be listed in the statistic of the half that make it. Please leave me a comment about today's show. I really want to hear from you.

If you'd like to order a signed copy of my book please go to: www.womanbeautiful.us - go to the page labeled SERVICES and scroll down to the bottom of the page; then follow the ordering directions.

Love and Blessings, Amanda

Sex, Submission & Spirituality: The Things Men Really Need To Know

It is FINISHED! I hope to have my newest book in stores by winter 2011. I wanted to include a few brief excerpts from it. Please give me some feed back.

"One of Woman Beautiful's main goals is to love her man wholly: without reservation or fear in any area of their marriage. Although she knows that sex holds the second and sometimes first place position on his priority list, it only ranks about sixth, maybe even seventh or eighth, on her list of priorities. It's not that she doesn't love you, it's that she doesn't necessarily love sex." (This is part of the preface/introduction.)

"Outlined in the following chapters are what Woman Beautiful believes to be misconceptions held by her man. These misconceptions are not a reflection on his manhood, only on his knowledge and understanding of women and the differences God created between them." (This too is part of the preface/introduction.)

Sex: Misconception #1: Sex Is the Most Important Aspect of Marriage: "Because sex is so prominent in a man's needs, he sometimes gets it confused with respect. Therefore desiring sex often from his wife is, in his heart and mind, an outward expression of her respect toward him."

Misconception #2: We Can't Have A Good Marriage Without Having Good Sex: "Sadly, many women have experienced negative behavior in the area of sex. To tell her that good sex determines a good marriage grieves her at best."

Misconception #3: If You Love Me You Will Want to Have Regular Sex With Me: "It is safe to say that every man wants his wife to desire him in a red-hot kind of way. Unfortunately, the stress and strain of everyday life inhibits this loving feeling in women. Even though it was her desire prior to and just after marriage, it is more than likely that somewhere along the way, it was lost. Those differences I mentioned in the previous section move her from wanting you to wanting you to leave for a few days just to give her a break; to afford her the opportunity to simply be who she is and do what she wants to do without be concerned with trying to please her husband."

Submission: Misconception #4 To Submit Is To Do Exactly What I Say -- Without Question: "Submission is far more than doing exactly what you say. Heeding your every command is belittling at best. God united you two, giving you the command to become one flesh: one mind; one purpose; one dream; one destiny. Together with one goal: 'to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your strength and your neighbor as yourself,' (Mark 12:30-31, NAS). God has purposed both of you to love him with all your being and each other selflessly. And through that love...to love others well. If your woman lives her life feeling like the hired hand, sex toy, entry doormat or cook/cleaning woman, then rest assured that submission is a very bad and negative word in her vocabulary."

Misconception #5: Submitting Means Becoming Who You Think She Needs To Be: "One of the most difficult obstacles women encounter in marriage involves being constantly molded and shaped into what her husband thinks she ought to be. Nothing disheartens a wife more than not being accepted for who she is."

Misconception #6: Submit No Matter Who It Might Hurt or Neglect: "Your woman truly loves you and wants to submit to you. In fact, it is by her Divine design that she longs to submit, especially to you. She cannot, however, if submitting goes against everything that she believes is best for her marriage, her children and herself. If submitting goes against God, her family and those things that are important to her, you will find yourself living with a woman who has become, or is in the process of becoming, bitter and angry; a woman full of hurt, resentment and unforgiveness."

Spirituality: Misconception #7: The Spiritual Side of Our Relationship is Insignificant In The Big Scheme of Things: "I truly believe that the lack of spiritual guidance in the home is the most detrimental of all behaviors toward the family: any family in any home. Husbands and fathers are berated in television sitcoms. They are made to look weak and mindless. Many sitcoms portray them as lazy losers who are incapable of providing for their family. Mom's rule the roost by making the decisions, thinking for the man of the house, and rearing children apart from and often times in direct opposition to his input, wishes or instruction."

Misconception #8: I Have to Make Her Become More Spiritual: "It is indeed your job to help your wife grow spiritually. It begins with accepting her where she's at and loving her in spite of her level of spiritual maturity. If you truly love and honor God and want your wife to be intimate with him, then pray for her. Encourage her without passing judgment. Make it easy for her to participate in women's events. Know and understand her deepest needs and desires and build on those."

Misconception #9: I Have To Make Her Less Spiritual: "I've found in many marriages that one half of the unit is usually far more connected to God than the other half. I've also found that men are more intimidated by women who are more spiritually mature than they are. God's purpose for you as a united team is to bring glory to him and invaluable productivity to your one-flesh relationship."

These excerpts barely scratch the surface of my newest book for men. I hope this little book says to men those things that we women have had difficulty saying to them.

Love and Mega Blessings, Amanda

In Response to "Karen said..."

I want to respond briefly to Karen's comments to my previous blog.

A nice problem to have would be thinking to many positive thoughts. I've yet to meet any woman with that problem. I've come to understand, however, that one of the most difficult strongholds in my life, and lives of many women, is that of negative thinking. Those thoughts that consume us to the point that we are crippled in daily function and productivity. Sad but true, many women spend more time thinking about a bunch of "what ifs" rather than "what really is."

I want to encourage each of you to think on that which really is: you are a beautiful creation of Almighty God; the gifts He's placed in you can be matched by no one esle; God places value in everything that concerns you; the hopes, desires and dreams that you possess have been given to you by Him; and, He has promised to never leave you standing alone: without help, comfort, provision, peace, companionship or even friendship. More than anything, God wants you to delight in His Presence just as He delights in yours.

I would love to be able to tell you that I have had a picture perfect marriage for nearly 23 years. That would be a lie. My reality includes spending many days and nights without my husband and rearing 5 children in a unwanted lifestyle that seemed to be mostly on my own.

John's search for significance took him to race tracks scattered over 8 states. He spent countless hours working on his cars and helping others with their cars. Fortunately for me, I felt the draw of my heavenly Father and joyfully acccepted His invitation to know Him better and love Him more. So for as many hours that I spent without John, I was afforded the opportunity to spend many more with Him and our time together was and stil is priceless!

I must admit, I did go through many hours of negative thinking. I gave John tongue lashing after tongue lashing -- in my mind that is. I wondered why it was so easy for him to be gone for hours and days on end. What was so attractive to him that he could be woed in both his time and attention better than myself or our family. A matter that certainly didn't help: I could identify every woman at any track who viewed John as open game. Knowing that most men entertain flirting, that really concerned me. I clearly remember sitting at the table having my quiet time one morning. While praying I said to the Lord, "What if John has an affair?" The Lord immediately responded, "If I allow it,". I interrupted Him, finishing His sentence, "it will be okay." He simply smiled. Beloved that brought more peace to me than I can express to you. Holy, awesome, Almighty God loved me so much that if He allowed it, if He allowed it, I knew that it would have to be okay. Perhaps very painful, but it would certainly be okay. On that day I quit worrying about the women at the race tracks that John frequented. Instead, I prayed. Thanking God for John's protection, physically, sexually and spiritually. It wasn't long before I became able to identify the times when I doubted God's faithfulness and protection.

Woman Beautiful, if I'm caught up in negative thinking it's because I'm really doubting Him. I want to encourage you to know God better and love Him more. Identify the doubt you have and pray, "Lord I believe, help my unbelief."

Regarding, wifely responsibilities. I believe that every woman, Christian or non-Christian, has these responsibilities: responding positively to his sexual desires, planning and preparing meals, cleaning house, holding her husband accountable, praying for him, and respecting him. I realize that in today's society, the roles of husbands and wives, men and women, have been grossly destorted. The reality is men don't know if they're supposed to decorate the house or mow the lawn and women don't know if their supposed to work outside the home or care for the family. Sadly a very perverse sexual revolution and women's lib catapulted the ideas that women needed to be treated as men. Consequently, both genders are now very confused about their identities.

I know, many will argue, "I work too so he can help with the household responsibilites." I do not disagree with that, but I believe that it is the woman's position in the relationship to manage the home. For me, and hopefully for you it includes not doing all the cooking and cleaning, but doing most of it and by all means managing it if others help. I love it when John cooks for us, be it on the grill, scrambled eggs with toast or dinner out. And I know from his mealtime prayers and words of thanks that he appreciates when I cook for the family. It really concerns me when I hear young wives and mothers say, "I don't cook." I think, "What?!@#!? What do you mean you don't cook? What does your family eat?" And we wonder why we are battling childhood obesity?

There was a time in our marriage that John demanded that I cook 3 meals a day. I didn't always delight in the work, but I look back now and feel very good about the way I fed my family. Now, 23 years into our marriage, John often says, why don't we just get drive through so you don't have to cook. I shout "Woohoo!" on those days.

Over the years God's has enabled me to take my negative thoughts captive, trusting Him. He's encouraged me to become the woman, wife, mother, friend and now grandmother that He created me to be. My ride has been full of twists and turns, ups and downs, joys and sorrows, but one thing has remained the same, God's love and faithfullness. I am forever indebted to Him not only for the cross but also for all that He does and continues to do on my behalf and on behalf off all that is important to me.

Let the joy of the Lord be your strength. You are Woman Beautiful!

Love and mega Blessings, Amanda

Thoughts and Their Destructive Power

Like many of you, I have warred with my thoughts on a regular basis. It doesn't matter what the situation might be: whether it concerned my husband, children, ministry, position in the workforce, church or society.

I believe our thoughts control us in ways that can be quite destructive -- to both the individual and those who are included in the thoughts. Let me expound. When a woman's husband isn't home when she thinks he should be, or perhaps when he said he would be, her thoughts begin running something like this: "I wonder where my husband is? He should have been home by now. I wonder who he's with? What's he doing? What if he's with another woman? That girl down at the convenience store flirts with him every time we go in there. She doesn't even care that I'm standing there with him. He's never said, but I think he kind of enjoys it. I'll kill him! No, I'll divorce him. The thought of him having an affair is more than I could bear. Why didn't he call me to let me know he would be late? How insensitive! He never thinks about anybody but himself. He knows I have dinner ready for him every evening! What a jerk! If I treated him this way he would never let me hear the end of it. But, what if there's been an accident? What if he's hurt. What if he can't call me? No, he's just fine. He just doesn't care enough about me or our marriage to give me a call. He probably stopped in at Joe's -- again. Gosh he makes me angry!" By the time he walks in the door, her thoughts have taken her from another woman to an accident to just hanging out with a friend. And by now, she's more mad than concerned. And we all know, if the woman ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

The inconsideration a woman feels when her husband doesn't make the effort to give her a call when he's going to be late, is escalated by her own negative thoughts. She has gone from being worried to becoming down right mad! Whatever sweetly anticipated homecoming she may have planned for him will now be shot down by her hurt feelings. She's been on an emotional roller coaster for an hour and however good the day might have been, it now lies in ruins.

Unfortunately, she no longer cares to hear about his day. She doesn't want to be the loving compassionate wife that he needs, and the dinner that was once perfect is now cold. And he can heat it up himself!

Do you see how the wife's thoughts have brought more to the problem then need be? When he finally gets home, she learns that his reason for being late might or might not have been avoidable, but by then it is too late! She really doesn't care to hear any excuses. Bottom line, he could have called. If at no other time, as he was leaving the workplace or arriving at Joe's, which ever may have been the case.

The men reading this blog could very easily be saying, "Home-cooked supper, what's that?" If that is the case then Woman Beautiful let me encourage you to make some changes. This could be a reason why it becomes easy for men to take their time getting home from work each day.

When your man arrives home at the end of a work day, his thoughts are not on pleasing you but rather they are on his stomach and some down time. I know that sounds self-centered, but he has worked hard, is tired and can't wait to get his hunger pangs satisfied. He's then ready to move to his favorite chair, probably infront of the television. I know we live in an era when women do very little cooking. That is a tragedy. I believe the reason why so few women cook these days lies in the value for women, or should I say de-value, many of us have embraced -- more destructive thought patterns that have got to be overcome!

Believing the word of God as absolute truth, 2 Corinthians 10:5 implores us to take every thought captive and in doing so, we can knock down every false thing that sets itself up against what is really true. Woman Beautiful, this thought pattern that I've mentioned may or may not have be relevant for you. But I know that there is some area of negative thinking that jumps in and runs you right over. It may not be concerning your husband but perhaps concerns your friends and the way they relate to you, your service in church or the community and the way others perceive it, or your performance in the workplace and the recognition you receive.

In all of these relationships, the way you view yourself determines the way your thoughts will flow. Do you believe that you are a beautiful woman created by God with value and worth? Do you know that God loves you unconditionally and that he has purposed you for greatness? Do you believe that this world is a much better place because you are in it? Do you know that you have the power to change lives for the good and for eternity? And do you know that you have been created with a purpose and plan that no other woman can fulfill? Woman Beautiful, these are the true things that you and I need to be thinking about.

I want to encourage you to deal with the root of your thoughts. Perhaps your husband has given you good reason to "wonder" why he's late getting home. Discuss the problem with him after you've made-up but before it is too far down the road. Perhaps it's your own insecurities that have caused those fears. If so, deal with the root of those insecurities. If you'll be honest with yourself, you'll identify the hurt that has caused you to be fearful.

This one thing I know for sure, the wicked one is out to kill, still and destroy -- without question and almost without exception, he will start in your thoughts. Woman Beautiful, you have victory over your thoughts. Let them be life giving and not death bringing. Let them buildup -- not tear down. Let them bless and not curse, you or the people God's placed in your life.

Praying you'll experience victory in your mental and emotional beauty.

Love and Blessings, Amanda

www.twitter.com

Tweeting has certainly become one of my most favorite things to do. Yes, it does take a little time, but I have found the twitter "helps" to be invaluable! There is so much in the way of tips, contacts, ideas, etc. that I eagerly sign-in just to see how I can benefit from the world's knowledge. If you've not connected with twitter yet, do so today!

Spiritual Beauty

Spiritual beauty is all about your relationship with God. It is being changed a little bit more every day. It is being more holy today then you were last year and being more holy next year than you are today. Sister, you cannot grow in the likeness and glory of God if you are not spending time with him. It cannot be done. Quit believing the lie!

Woman Beautiful - pp. 101-102

What About Divorce

The truth of the divorce matter is that God hates it. Malachi 2:16 says, "'For I hate divorce,' says the Lord, the God of Israel, 'and him who covers his garment with wrong, ' says the Lord of hosts, 'So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously'" (NAS). God was talking to the Israelite men. They had been treating their wives and families treacherously, and it grieved God deeply. Because he placed such high value on the covenant between him and the man and woman at the beginning of time, he hates divorce. It's the most violent or treacherous act a (wo)man can make against their own family and ultimately against themselves and God.
Have you ever considered divorce? I would dare to say that most of us have. We seem to think that perhaps divorce would be better than the situation we're in. That, Woman Beautiful, is a lie straight....
Woman Beautiful, Embracing The Woman God Created You To Be, pp. 47-48.